( published 24th April 2003 )
I had a big disappointment last Tuesday evening on my Lufthansa flight from Frankfurt to Helsinki ( sitting now in Finland until Friday ). I really enjoy a relaxing evening in my economy-class-crammed-seat, but with my short Portuguese legs, no big deal. Then always comes the meal ( usually lousy, but what can you do ). The disappointment came when I took the little plastic bag with the fork, knife and spoon. Usually those bags are filled with air, and it's so nice to press the bag and make it pop loudly, so the old lady next to me jumps up from her heavy sleep ( she was snoring, bitch ), and starts looking around wildly wondering what engine has burst, or what terrorist has shot a bullet, harharhar...I then feel like Rowan Atkinson in that "Mr Bean" movie, where on the plane he made a paper bag burst into which a boy had vomited 2 minutes earlier. Hihihihi ! But, but, but this time Lufthansa has served the silver cutlery in plastic bags...with little holes, booohooohoooo! And the bitch kept on snoring, grrrrr...
Have a nice day
A small boy walks into his mother's room and catches her topless.
"Mummy, Mummy, what are those?" he says pointing to her breasts.
"Well, son, "she says, These are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."
Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes into the kitchen and screams, "Mummy, Mummy! Aunt Eliza is dying!"
"What do you mean?" says his mother.
"Well she's out in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both of her balloons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling, "God, I'm coming! God, I'm coming!!"
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© Alex Alexandrino 2000-2002