World News
( published 6th March 2003 )

Hi All,

I spent 3 hectic days in London, and already after the first one, I had no clue of what is going on in the world. I bought 2 or 3 daily papers, and after the usual 4 to 5 pages about the threesome Bush/Blair/Saddam, I got to the real important news:
A 22 year old policeman being arrested because he fled to Scotland with his 15 year old girl friend in a stolen convertible.
McDonalds had to stop showing an advert on TV, because the burger shown was much bigger than the real one served ( the guys had inspectors to go to McDonalds and test it !! )
Aspirin may prevent cancer
Ron Davies ( who the hell is he? ) denies gay sex in the woods
Older people were denied lunch in a pub, because they are pains in the arse, and they order the cheapest dishes

And on the international front? Oh yes, Brits are complaining because Ryanair will skip flights to French destinations, where English people had bought holiday homes.

Now that's called news!

Have a nice day


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just
sod off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a
couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgement.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our arse
...then things get worse!

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© Alex Alexandrino 2000-2002