( published 11th February 2003 )
When my Dad was in his teens in the 50's, he used to spend his school holidays helping out in a Lisbon cinema. He also brought the late comers to their seats in the dark, a torch in his hands. The customer would usually give a tip to my Dad. Those were the days of great American thrillers, and some very famous Hitchcock movies ( "Dial M for Murder", "Rear Window", etc ) and of course my dad had seen them all. Sometimes there would be the occasional pain in the neck who "do not want in the back,...no this is far too much in the front,....God it's too hot here,...this cinema is so bloody dirty..." ), and patiently my Dad would cruise with those through the cinema until they found a suitable place. Still moaning they would give my father a coin, usually a very very small tip, my dad would lean over, and say: "Thank you. Enjoy the movie...ooh and by the way, the professor did it it with a knife!" and disappear in the dark. Brilliant...
Have a nice day
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses.
"Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."
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© Alex Alexandrino 2000-2002