( published 2nd July 2002 )
The human brain is a fascinating instrument. I was mountainbiking with some friends last Friday evening, when one of them shouted "Shortcut", and rode off path downhill through the woods. I carefully looked at him, and as I saw him ending up on a road a few metres lower, I decided to follow him. In the steep downhill, standing firmly on my pedals, my ass behind my saddle I looked really professional.
And that's when the slow motion kicked in in my head. Those of you who have seen "Matrix" know what I'm talking about. My front wheel started sliding to the left, when I wanted it to go to the right. Then I felt my rear wheel lifting, my body struggling against the direction the bike was taking. My fingers pulled the brakes maybe a touch too hard, as my rear wheel was now almost 3 feet off the ground, right in the air. My bike had reached the point of no return. Last resort for me, just jump off the bike ( my ass behind the saddle remember? ) and let it go...harhar had done that hundred times. But...but ooooooh shit, this bike had SPD pedals, in other words my shoes were stuck to the pedals, in other words my body was stuck to the bike, in other words I was fucked. Aveeee, Aveeee,Aveeee Mariaaaa my Portuguese catholic mind went praying, just before my face, my breast, my legs hit the ground, my bike falling onto me. Hmmm, bit salty this earth between my teeth. Black out, silence, then myself looking around, moving my fingers, then my hands, then my arms, then my legs. All functioning! Then I started breathing again...it worked. Then I sat down, next to my bike. All functioning! Then I saw my friends asking "Are you OK", and as I nodded they started laughing.
Well there you go. It took you at least 2 minutes to read what I felt in less than one second. Amazing how fast a brain can work and assimilate so many things, after one has obviously switched it off before doing something stupid. Slow Motion is cool...when you survive it!
Have a nice day
A wife was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of attention and decided to come on a little stronger to him.
After dinner, she put on her sexy, backless night-gown backwards so her tits were showing and sauntered into the living room.
"Notice anything?" she asked slyly.
"Yes, you've got your night-gown on backwards." her husband answered simply.
"How could you tell?" she cooed.
"Because the shit stains are in the front." he said.
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