Amsterdam Traffic
( published 28th June 2002 )

Hi All,

I'm now back from Amsterdam. After 7 years in London I thought I had seen everything in terms of city traffic, but those Amsterdam people are completely nuts. Well I'm now a bit used to British left drive, so it is already a bit confusing for me when I am on the continent, but now imagine what could have happened: I'm in Amsterdam, I come out of a coffee shop, I mean a Dutch coffee shop, I put my first foot on the street and BANG, a car hits me. I fly through the air and FLOTCH FLOTCH a bicycle overruns me, DING DING and SVUSH SVUSH a tram cuts me in half. My body falls into the canal and BOING the paddle of a boat hits me, before the engine of a motor boat makes mince out of me.

OK OK the above did not happen, but when I put my foot on the street, one cyclist angrily shouted something in Dutch at me. How do you say "wanker" in Dutch?

Have a nice weekend


John & David were both residents in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, John suddenly dived in to the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there.David promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled John out.

When the medical director became aware of David's heroic act he immediately ordered David to be discharged from the hospital,as he now considered him to be mentally stable.When the director went to tell David the news he said, "David, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is that John, the resident you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead".David replied "He didn't hang himself...I put him there to dry

If you want to have my morning mail in your Inbox every morning, click here