( published 20th June 2002 )

Hi All,

I have often pointed out how distracted I am. Always on another planet, my mind is always walking away from what my mouth is just starting to say. In other words imagine Einstein without the brains ( presently description fits with the haircut ).

Last Sunday in Algarve I came back from the beach and paid a short visit to my parents. Out of the lift I arrived at the front door of their flat and rang the bell. No answer. I rang again. Looking around I noticed they had finally fixed that water leak in the wall. Still no answer. Bloody hell, I saw their car outside!! So I now banged on the door. Nothing. Annoyed I picked up my mobile and rang them. I heard their phone ringing inside. My dad picked up. "Why the hell aren't you opening?" I shouted. "I didn't hear the bell," came the answer. Furious I kept my finger on the bell, and shouted: "And what is this?" "What is what?" Then , suddenly I heard a door opening...one floor below. Dooooooh! Wrong floor. Thank God the Germans weren't at home.


P.S. By the way the water leak hasn't been fixed yet.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, 'Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time. It should cause the ship to turn over and sink.'
They tried it, and sure enough the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, 'Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.'
At this point he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.
'Look,' she said. 'I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.'