( published 22nd April 2002 )

Hi All,

I have a real dilemma this morning. I could hardly sleep last night because of what happened in France after the first election round. I am always trying to keep this morning mail funny and I try not to hurt anyone's feelings ( except for my language sorry ).

In this world where ever so dark things are happening day by day, I need to get up thinking that out there there are other people who also want to share a laugh, even if it is only for a couple of minutes a day. All the dark things will show up soon enough in the morning. And that's the reason why I commit myself to present every morning my mail in a funny way, even if there are serious subjects around us....

What the fuck am I writing here?

Sorry sorry sorry. Hey folks forget everything up there that's rubbish. I start again...


So yesterday the world has finally discovered how clever French people are. Remember the story of the rabbit and the turtle? Jean de la Fontaine knew that one already in the 17th century. In a race against a turtle the rabbit thought to himself: " Why bother running? I will have plenty of time for catching up this little arrogant thing in the last minutes..." Problem is he forgot time passing by, and when he remembered it was too late. The turtle had already crossed the finish.

Today it will be fun to listen to French "electors" and especially the millions who didn't go to vote comment why this happened, and who's fault it was that a wanker like Le Pen ( sorry if I'm hurting some of my readers feelings, but I read 2 different biographies of this guy, and I wouldn't want to come across his way in a dark alley at midnight ) is becoming the famous tale's turtle.

I'm sure I will give you some interesting feedback on French every day life soon again.

Have a nice day and sorry for today's messy mail.

Alex Tremely Confused

Translated from French:

It is Christmas eve and Petit Nicolas from Corsica is writing a letter to Jesus:

"Dear Jesus,
I have been a nice boy. I was very good at class, and I have been helping my mum in the house work. My greatest wish for Christmas would be to get a bicycle."

Petit Nicolas reads what he has written, and thinks: "Hmm, I have been a real pain for everyone, I'm the worst pupil at school, and I have ignored all of mum's orders. I can't send this." Then he has an idea. He goes to mum and dad's bedroom, and picks up a little statuette of Virgin Mary, wraps it up in cotton and hides it in his desk's drawer.
Then he picks up a fresh sheet of paper, and writes:

"Hey Christ,
I've got your mum. If you want to see her alive again, send me a bike."