Language Trouble Again
( published 15th April 2002 )

GRMBFLLDFGKJHOIJLPK'LSDVLJI, ooops sorry this was my head hitting the keyboard. Bloody early again on this Monday morning!

Goood morning All!

Hey you Brits, stop laughing at my funny English. Went to the bicycle shop yesterday to buy some inner tubes. Why the hell did the guy start laughing when I asked for a pair of "valves"? Well I know I know, how did I get to the word "valve" in the first place? Well very often when I don't remember, or even don't know a certain word I "cheat": I try to translate it directly from one of the languages where I know the word.

So in German an inner tube is called "ein Reifenschlauch" which actually means "tyre-hose" ( and hey, you Germans, I mean now an English "hose", not the German "Lederhose", OK? ). In French they call it "chambre a air", "the room with air", similarly in Portuguese "camara de ar". In Luxembourg they are more subtle, in Luxembourgish an inner tube is a "Schlauch fir de Pneu", where they steal the German "hose" and add the French for "tyre" to it.

So without any dictionary on me, it is obvious I would do the direct translation and call the inner tube...a valve??? Where the hell did that one come from?

Sorry, need coffee. Have a nice week ahead!

Alex Tremely Tired

Two old guys suffering from Alzheimer's are sitting on a bench
when an ice-cream van comes down the street.
"Do you want one?" asks the first guy.
"Yes, I'll have a cone, but write it down or otherwise you'll forget"
says the second.
"No I won't" says the first.
"Look, I want a cone with a flake, and I know you'll forget, so write
it down" says the second.
"I won't forget" says the first guy, getting slightly irritated.
"OK then, look - I want a cone, a flake and strawberry sauce. Now write
it down or you WILL forget" says the second.
The first guy is getting quite miffed now and still argues that he
won't forget.
The second guy says irritably "I want a cone, a flake, strawberry sauce
and hundreds and thousands sprinkled all over. You won't remember all
that so WRITE IT DOWN!"
The first guy, now really annoyed, walks off and five minutes later
comes back with a meat pie.
The second guy looks at him and says "Where's my f*cking chips?"