Advice from Peer to Peer
( published 22ndMarch 2002 )
In France there is a word for someone who "pees". It is "un pisseur". In Luxembourg we call them "Pisserten", in Portugal "mijao"...but in English?? No idea, so I have decided to call them "peers".
I want to share some experiences with my fellow peers, and here are a few rules they should follow when going to a public toilet wearing a light coloured suit and a nice flashy green tie:
1. Do not pee too close to the wall, as the "sprinkling effect" might cause embarrassment on the upper part of your trousers
2. If you feel you are peeing too close to the wall, do not attempt to look down for spots on your trousers, otherwise your tie will move down and present itself right into the...well just try to picture it!
3. If it is too late, and your tie is soaked, do not try to move your head up too quickly, as your spotless shirt might become soaked as well
4. When finished, take off the tie straight away before anyone else in the room notices ( no, I won't tell you where to hide it, for God's sake use your imagination )
5. Finally when washing your hands, be damn careful otherwise your trousers will look as if you had ignored point 1
6. Whatever happens, stay cool, move out of the toilet, cross the conference hall packed with businessmen, go to the lift and...RUUUUNN!
Have a nice weekend
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out
for pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre
and says,"Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips. What
are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre, the
fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles and
they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me
lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and
pours it on her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the
bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white
meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things
really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre,
kiss me much lower!" Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of
Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the
cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing
waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously,
"PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says definitely,
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"