( published 25th February 2002 )
Good Morning All,
I have started a special diet yesterday. I am regularly taking some EPO and NESP with my morning croissants. Then I have opened a special account with a standing order to the French skating federation, so monthly "donations" can be made. Then I have booked a private room in a London hospital, so doctors can "discover" a lunge cancer in my body. Over the coming months I will inform all newspapers of my very bad health situation, then doctors will give them the good news that I have come back from the dead and started sports again.
This week I will send 100 cases of French Bordeaux to each member of The International Olympic Comittee as a proof of my appreciation on how they run the Oympic Games. I will spend my holidays in Russia, and sleep with each sports reporter in the States ( who cares if they are male or female ). I will sing "We are the World" in 20 languages in order to raise funds for the poor, and make sure the "Sun" paper puts some scandal about me every single day of the week. Finally I will apply for Spanish citizenship.
With all the above the 2006 Olympic title in curling cannot escape!
Have a nice day
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have 2 female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots that I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in a cage with Francis and Joe. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "This may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that the two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosery beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the f**king beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered."