Take it Easy
( published 15th February 2002 )
Yesterday I went back to the City for the first time for ages to visit a customer. I was walking over London Bridge with thousands of other people towards Monument. Everybody was overtaking me, and I decided to walk slowly and observe them. Tss what a bunch of idiots: run, run, run! Never take the time to breathe. Harhar, everybody is overtaking me, the sun is shining, let's simply enjoy this...Aaaaaaahh, let the others die of a heart attack, I'll take it easy today, easy today...but hey who is this guy in front of me. Why is his pace slower than mine? Come on, move on! Bloody Hell he is slower than a snale...What an idiot, I don't want to overtake him, I am the coolest, the calmest, the slowest here...Shall I kick him? No, I won't give up. I stay nicely behind him. Soon we will have crossed the bridge...by the way really long bridge, and my meeting will start soon...COME ON, YOU WANKER, START WALKING, not crawling...Alex, stay behind him, stay behind him, do not give up...where's my watch? Shit, 2 minutes to 9, I will miss my appointment, shit, shit, shit....
And that's how yesterday morning around 9 o'clock you could see an idiot with red rucksack running over London Bridge, overtaking everybody and cursing at all those people taking their time and in his way.
Have a nice day
French lesson today:
Au restaurant: S'il vous plait apportez-moi des spaghetto, des gnoccho et des rigatono... - Bien Monsieur. Au fait au pluriel on dit des spaghetti, des gnocchi et des rigatoni. - Aaah, merci pour l'information. Alors apportez-moi des spaghetti, des gnocchi et des rigatoni,... et montrez-moi ou sont les lavabi, je dois aller faire pipo!
OKOKOK here's another one:
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally. About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's "thing" is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH Darn!.. . . . they got my girlfriend too...!"