Cannt Tipe
( published 6th February 2002 )

Hi All,

I'm in trouble. I knew I was talking faster than I think ( when I think ). Now I am typing faster too: somehow my laptop is letting me down. When I type it forgets some letters. I thought first it was me ( too much alcohol or LSD ), but no it is definitely my machine. Thisstartedyesterday:theeffect has been instantaneous. The already boiling Alex turned into a nervous wreck, looking for a suitable brickwall to smash the "machina infernale"...I called Dell support yesterday, but by the time I had gone through the different options ( "...for sales, please press 1, for support, please press 2,....") an answering machine told me the support desk was closed. This morning it looks even worse, therefore I stop here before I go mad.

Have a nice day


A lonely spinster, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She decided to put an ad in the local paper that read: 'HUSBAND WANTED, must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must still be good in bed! All applicants apply in person." On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said: "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at have no legs!" The old man smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!" She snorted: "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently: "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"