( published 5th February 2002 )

Hi All,

Reasons why I don't believe Britain will join the Euro soon include cricket, pie and mash, Manchester United and ....golfing.

Golf in Portugal means building the courses, in Luxembourg it means driving them, in France they much prefer playing petanque or boules, while in Germany the main hobby is beer drinking in October. But for Brits, waooow! I used to be a Corporate Sales dealer, and my God I was really looked at as a weirdo when I said at receptions I didn't play golf ( "How do you get customers then?" "Volleyball, what's that?" ).

No, Alex, you're exaggerating. Brits aren't that crazy about golf. No? What about this then? Last weekend an Air2000 plane from London Gatwick to Faro in Portugal made an unplanned stop-over in Manchester to pick up golf clubs for players taking part at a tournament in Algarve. Passengers panicked because they thought there was a bomb threat. They needed the police force to calm them down. Now wait a moment: see London on the map? now have a look at Portugal...see that little piece of land right at the bottom of Europe just next to those damn Spaniards? Right, that's Portugal. Now look at Manchester...spotted it? Now look me in the eyes ( is this correct? ) and tell me Brits are NOT crazy about golf.

Have a nice day


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax, and... OH MY GOD!!" Silence. Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in coach said, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"