English Presents
( published Thursday, 13th December 2001 )

Hi All,

Yesterday evening our next door neighbours came over for a drink. They brought us a little present ( let's see, ..hmm...size....weight.....yes, chocolates!! ). Before they left I wanted to open the present, but Karine threw an angry look at me ( I know it's bad English, but I like the expression ). Apparently in England it is rude to open presents while guests are there. "...you don't want to embarrass your guests, if you don't like it..." Again subtle, veeeeery subtle.

Well you can be damn sure that if my cousin from Portugal offered me a present, and I didn't open it immediately, he'd say: "What, you don't care? You don't want it?" And if I offered something, I would want to see the person's face who opens the present, so that if the person disliked it, I would spend hours trying to convince him/her the present is nice, and if they still didn't like it, well then they can...

Have a nice day


One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her "Darling, would you give me a blowjob?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" Horny as hell he says, "Oh please, please, I love you so much!" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's little sister shows up in her pajamas, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blowjob. Otherwise I can do it. Or if need be, Dad says he can come down himself and do it. But for God's sake tell the asshole to take his fucking hand off the intercom!"