Friday, 3rdAugust 2001

"Burger" Fishing Permit


I promised you some examples that prove that England is an island, but I thought I submit you the following story from my friend Jeff, who lives some 20 minutes southeast of Luxembourg city. After Portugal and England yesterday, let's have a go at my fellow "Burgers". It's long but worth it. This is what you need to do to get a fishing permit from the Luxembourg authorities:

"...So, monday morning I got up, it was already really warm outside (25°), got ready to go to town by bus (save-the-planet- kind-a-thing). Arrived at the "Commune", I was told that for the fishing-permit, I needed to go to a place called "Old Foyer", a place about 1,2km away. Oh, by the way, did I mention the fact that I was in town by bus? Damn. 5 minutes by car, 3 1/5 by bike. damn damn. So I went back home (by bus), grabbed the car keys, took off to the place called "Old Foyer". Arrived there, the "blonde ?Lady?" told me that the office that is responsible for the fishing-permit is in town, a place called "Aal Kasären", about 2 minutes away on foot of the "Commune".

Back to square one,where I started. I went back into town, by car (f... the-save-the-planet- kind-a-thing), cause there is a parking house right alongside that building. (it did cost 50.- Luf - 1.2394 Euro,damn,damn,damn, and still no fishing-permit) No queuing, but another 32.2261Euro. Yes, finally, I thought. The "blonde" behind the counter said: "Now, sir, you need to go to 4, rue de Nassau. To have that yellow slip stamped by the "Administration des eaux et des forêts, section Commissariat du districte de Luxembourg des permis de chasses et de pêches". That adress is along side the place called "Old Foyer" (remember, my second try).

So, I took the car again to that 4, rue de Nassau. I did'nt believe my eyes when I arrived at 4, rue de Nassau. "Internationaler Kindergarten" (no need to translate, I guess) So I went to see the "first blonde Lady?" in the "Old Foyer". Politely, I requested assistance to find the place "Administration des eaux et des forêts, section Commissariat du districte de Luxembourg des permis de chasses et de pêches, 4, rue de Nassau?". She gave me a local phonebook. Then she continued polishing her finger nails. I couldn't find the adress (PROBABLY 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA FIND IT) So I asked her a second time to call someone who can give us that information. Then, she gave me one of these looks while breathing deeply in through her nose, making alot of noise, than with one swift blow, released all the air at once out of her perfectly coloured red lips. Now that did it. While she was in middle of calling someone on the phone, I released some anger, verbally of course. I was the one doing all the running around town all morning, and she is the one "blowing air"???? So, she gave me the adress to go to. 5, yes, 5, rue de Nassau. Just opposite the kindergarden. (I suddenly thought, Calm down, your on holiday. No stress. Keep it cool). I followed a breathing course some years ago, yoga stuff, and have had alot of practice with it. (almost daily).

So I concentrated on my breathing while walking back to my car, parked right along side the place. I walked up the steps leading to a big glass door with mighty metal bars infront of the glass. A sign said Open from mon- fri 09:00-11:30 14:00-16:30 I checked my watch: 11:37. I concentrated on my breathing, slowly grabbed the front door knob,Sweat running down my back and forehead, I could feel my heart beeting like a Harley Davidson, Gently I increased the force in my left hand to push the knob down. Locked!!!!! Well, I can tell you just this, I lost control over the "breathing-thing". Hopefully, there were no kids around. (Kindergarden right next door?????, not good, not good at all. ) The words weren't very "recommendable". Got into my car, went back to the camper near the water and was happy to be out of the heat. (by then 33°).

Tuesday: Got up, went to fishing, without that damn stamp. I did pay, didn't I? What is more important to any government? Shut up and pay. So what had to happen, happened. A cop patrol did a check that day, of course, and they didn't agree with my arguments. Can't dig why? Can you? Whatever. So, equipment confiscated, fined 148.7361Euro, all day fucked at the "Administration des eaux et des forêts, section Commissariat du districte de Luxembourg des permis de chasses et de pêches" to get that "stupid stamp", back to Police station to prove my arguments. NO REFUND. Damn. "Who said life was fair?"

What a day, I can tell yeah..."

Have a nice weekend


A vicar is in the bath and he really fancies a tug, so he shuts his eyes to make it more enjoyable and he wanks until he is satisfied. At this point he opens his eyes to see his window cleaner looking in through the window. Embarrassed he gets out of the bath to answer the door to pay the man. When he asks how much the reply is 50 quid. 'Flipping heck, 50 quid for a few windows?' protests the vicar. 'yep, just think what would happen if I told your flock about what I've just witnessed' The vicar paid him. After a couple of weeks the bishop visits and inspecting the vicarage he says, 'Your windows are the cleanest I've ever seen, who cleans them?' 'A local man', came the reply, 'how much did he charge?' enquires the bishop 'well err, 50 quid actually,' said the vicar. 'Fucking hell, he must have seen you coming' Thanks Mike