Friday, 27th July 2001

Oh Sh*t

Good morning,

Final sprint to the weekend. I would like to apologise to those of you who find my language a bit foul in these morning mails. I don't mean to be offensive, but I cannot understand why I should write f*ck or sh*t , like in some hypocritical newspapers. There are no children reading this usually.

The other day I read an article in the Times about an English plane hitting a French plane on a French airport. According to the Times, just before the impact, the English pilot shouted "Ohhhh sh*t" and the Frenchman shouted "Oh putain". Well, for your info, putain is a much stronger swear word than shit, so why not hide it either? Because these people want you to really understand, not only that the Frenchman was swearing, but as well exactly WHAT he was swearing. Writing "p***ain" would not have been understood by most of the readers. So why not show shit also? What's this hypocrisy about here??

I think it doesn't exist anymore, but I clearly remember watching an old "Beverly Hills Cop" with Eddy Murphy on BBC1, just months after having moved over to London "from the continent", as they say over here. Because of "bad language regulations" I suppose, Eddie Murphy's voice had been "dubbed", and text like "you fucking bastard" were translated to "you unfair person". It's funny, because it was worse than French dubbing an English actor. The lips never corresponded to what Murphy was saying. Because he usually opens his mouth very wide, you would clearly decipher when he shouted "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK...", but BBC translated it to "DAMN, DAMN, DAMN....". In order not to shock people when swearing, I usually use a Finnish word "vitu". Very, very bad in Finland, but nobody understands it in England. Unfortunately I've been in Finland already 6 times this year, and it's tough to get rid of bad habits. Sorry to my Finnish friends' ears.

Have a nice weekend


A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'. Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious." "Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?" Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious." "Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the cunt ages... ...

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